Momentum Exclusive: The Lost Season – An Exercise in Resilience

• A refelection on what has been lost and what was learned when volleyball was sidelined due to the pandemic by Western University Asst. Coach Len Caballes and player Lauren Pastor.

We had just finished with the OUA Final Four Tournament – something of a proud tradition our program has been able to participate in for the last few years. There was some chatter about this ‘virus’ in China, but it didn’t really cross my mind that ‘normal’ life as I had known it would be turned on its head a few weeks later. Fast forward to the week of St. Patrick’s Day and news reports that the virus was marching unchecked from country to country – little whispers became nervous conversations about what would happen if it made its way to Canada, our campus. In fact, it already had – with one confirmed case it was unclear what campus administration would do?

Fast forward to June, we’ve been in lockdown since March 17^th and it looks like things maybe improving, though not fully sure how off-season training would look if facilities were still shuttered and community spaces were wary of granting training permits to anyone. After two months of not being able to train athletes or do any sort of tactical planning for incoming recruits, I’ll admit, I was a little lost. Who am I really if I wasn’t a volleyball coach?

As the coronavirus continued to make headlines, a small sliver of doubt started to take root, and I’ll admit I was worried for the upcoming OUA season. Although I was starting to train younger club athletes at the time, I couldn’t help but feel discouraged at the prospect of what are we exactly training for in the fall?

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Lauren Pastor, high school graduate ready to move on to university.

After just one week of school, all athletics were postponed with no return date in sight. My first year of university suddenly became me and my computer in my dorm for two months with no physical outlet. Not a very hopeful start. The excitement, the enthusiasm, the anticipation, and anxiety, all for what would be only three months of court time in the entire year. Never in my life have I had that much time off volleyball.

Walking into the school year, I knew competition was unlikely. The abrupt ending to my youth career and cancellation of summer training and competition with the national team were the big upsets for me. I knew my university career was just beginning. I did expect to practice more, have some in person classes and have the ability to connect with my teammates. I was able to experience these things in some capacity but going into my second year I feel so behind. The things I thought I would learn in first year are still be challenges for me now. How do I learn in a lecture hall with 600 students? What does it feel like to be part of an OUA game? How do I develop relationships with my teammates? These unknowns make me very anxious and cause me to worry about the year ahead.

Despite the fear of the unknown, the main thing I struggled with this year was finding balance. You would think less practice time would allow athletes to pursue other interests and live a more balanced lifestyle, which was true for some of my teammates, but not for me. Personally, sport gives me structure and forces me to plan out time for other priorities such as schoolwork and socialization. Without practice, I think to myself why would I do work in the morning or afternoon when I have all evening? Suddenly, its 10pm and all I have done is spend hours on my phone in my dorm room alone. The few weeks of practices we had were my best weeks physically, mentally and emotionally, because I knew that if I woke up early to do work, I could go to practice in the afternoon and spend time with my roommates in the evening. It became easier for me to prioritize working hard at school and deepening my relationships with others.

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September rolls around and the outlook for an actual competitive season looked bleak, yet I still held onto to the hope that a compressed season would be in the cards and that the next four months would either help or hinder that prospect. With no varsity training for my team, I found myself taking comfort in the sessions I created for my younger players – I was happy to have the opportunity to be able to actually be in a gym as opposed to some of my other counterparts in more populous places in Ontario. But yet again, more questions tempered my blind optimism…How much longer will this last?

Thankfully, November gives way to our first taste of being in the gym with our new recruits and returning players! Mind you, we don’t get to train with our full team as provincial restrictions only allowed a certain number of participants, coaches, and support staff to be in the practice venue at any given time – still…we get to train! A lot of the discussions within the coaching staff centred around the how to make practices efficient and what exactly was the greater goal for our development sessions? We came to the conclusion that with the absence of a competition season, we would focus on skill development and overall team connection. The notion that this opportunity to train was precious and the importance of getting our first recruits up to speed on our style of play weighed heavily into our plans. In addition, we also wanted to give our senior players a chance to prepare for their next steps, whether it was the looming National Team tryouts or provide them opportunities to showcase the strong culture that existed within our program. But yet again, our best laid plans were at the mercy of the various unknowns surrounding this pandemic.

Uncertainty became a household name within the coaching staff. Restrictions, reductions, and re-evaluation of what was within our control – out of all that something amazing came out…Resilience.

Forget that we entered another lockdown in December and were only able to have a few more weeks of skill development in February and March. Forget that the staff had to make amendment after amendment of practice plans – forget all of it. Within our team, we have a principle that centred around the ‘winners versus whiners’ mentality’, and to the benefit of our players we were on the happy side of that mantra.

We handled adversity as a team should in times of distress – together. Sure, there more downs that ups this past year, but as a team we cherished those fleeting moments and continued to take steps forward. We as a coaching staff found a way to temper expectations and maintain a sense of balance within our program.

But this story isn’t finished yet, the pandemic is still with us and the prospect that our season may still be in question looms above our heads. All we can do is go through it together and through trial and error we will find our new sense of balance as we turn the corner and look ahead.

THE COST

Initially, the cost of lost court time created a cascade effect that I am certain coaches across the board were afraid to consider, but had to face as progressive lockdowns became common place. As someone who trains athletes on the regular, this also created a problem financially for those who relied on private lessons, camps, and consultations as part of their livelihood. That wasn’t the end of it – the economic effects would also be felt by universities supporting athletic departments that relied on alternate forms of funding (see above) to maintain athletic scholarships, travel budgets, team equipment, and in some cases, coaches’ salaries.

No matter how you put it, the cost was time. Whether it was time lost when gyms were shutdown, or having too much idle time to ponder other things that didn’t lead to moving the needle forward . The pandemic exposed many of us in ways that, we found ourselves looking inward and seeing our shortcomings – but couple that with months of inactivity and purposeful work, highlighted some of our not-so finest moments. There were times when I found myself questioning if coaching was still the right pathway for me – and when Stay-At-Home orders had us in the house for what seemed like years, one would question the validity of their chosen profession given what was happening out there in the world.

The truth is, I lost my way for a bit but I was able to find my way back – and I wasn’t alone...

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This year cost me the experience of a first year varsity athlete. As an incoming player, you learn the traditions of the team and the expectations of the training environment. Without a consistent practice schedule and competition, it was difficult to observe the team culture in action. It was very challenging to establish and consistently demonstrate expectations as a team due to the lack of training continuity. Coming to Western, I was also very excited to play and compete alongside our seniors. Melissa Langegger, Kate Ferguson and Sam Reid are people I really look up to, and despite the opportunity for an extra year of eligibility, their academic plans led them to graduation. Playing and learning from them is an opportunity I will never get back.

The wonderful surprise in all of these challenges was the shift in adaptability among athletes. The ever-changing rules and disappointing news forced us to become more flexible and focus on what we have control over. I couldn’t put as much emotional weight on bad news because there was new bad news every week. The energy I spent over things out of my control exhausted me and I reached a point where I could not continue to let them dictate my emotions. I became better equipped to deal with bad news and was able to identify which issues were worth my emotional energy. I also rediscovered my appreciation for the sport because without competition, I had to find a different reason to show up to the few practices we had, motivated. As competitors, we can lose sight of our initial draw to our sport and forget all of the benefits we gain from volleyball outside of competing.  

Going into second year, my recruiting class and I have a very unique opportunity; we get to do rookie year one more time. I think that could mean different things to each individual player but for me it’s exciting. Even though we may not have the clearest idea of what the traditions and expectations are, we have the opportunity to help our upperclassmen and coaches foster our team’s environment post-COVID. Our year feels more confident and comfortable than past athletes in their first year of eligibility to make a bigger immediate impact on our training environment.

We also share more similarities with the incoming first year athletes which may help us relate to them more and build stronger connections with our younger teammates. With all of this opportunity and competition making a return to sport, we are about to begin a very exciting chapter.